Feud

During my three years as an undergraduate at Manchester, I had a long running feud with John Rylands University Library.

Mainly because they're fuckers who were continually trying to charge me for books I had never taken out or books that I had brought back days earlier. They were always trying it on with the short loan collection books, that rack up fines of about £1 per hour overdue or something equally ridiculous. Not that they ever got a penny more out of me than was due.

Thing is now that I'm back as a postgrad, they're at it again!!! This time I brought the offending book back on Friday and yet it is still marked on my account. In red I might add, saying it is still overdue.

Erm, no. No, it is not. I distinctly remember hauling the enormous book in question from my home back to the library. I went to put it in the returns box and the librarian emptying it at the time took it from me instead. Along with two others, which have also not been 'returned' according to the library portal.

So I have lecture but then I am off into battle. JRUL should have learnt by now, I am not exactly a push over.

A Selection Of Little Girlie Nightmares

• You go out to but a skirt, you only need (and have enough cash for one) but you see two you like. The only thing worse than trying on two skirts you like and have neither of them fit, is having both of them fit! Now you're really stuck.
  

• Having to make a database of what clothing size you are in every single shop you go into. As you are never the same size in two different shops. Usually you are not even the same size on the top and the bottom in the same shop.

• Sock marks. Nuff said.

• It doesn't matter when you plan a holiday or trip away, your monthly visitor will always conspire to arrive right in the middle of it.

• Having lovely long fingernails and then finding out you have 12,000 words worth of essays to write. Typing with talons is not easy.

• Having train conductors perv down your top when they check your ticket.

• Using hair straighteners is guaranteed to make it bucket down.

Schoolyard Antics

One of my male work colleagues is behaving a bit strangely around me. He keeps poking me in the side, or slapping me on the ass with a game box or attempting to chase me around the shop with a pen whilst threatening to write on me.

Death glares and threats of physical violence are having no effect.

So not used to this.

What am I supposed to do?

Curses!!

I'm enjoying my course so much, I've decided to share an interesting tidbit with you. Too bad if you don't like it!

Above is a picture of the 'Riqqeh Pectoral', a piece of jewellery housed in the Manchester Museum. When the tomb was opened it was apparent that the tomb had seen an attempted robbery in antiquity. This was obvious as one of the robbers was still there!

While reaching across the mummy to grab the pectoral, part of the roof collapsed and killed him. So there he remained lying across the mummy's body with his hand still stretched out to grab his prize.

A few hundred years later, someone tried to break into the Manchester Museum to steal the pectoral. But he was foiled as well. The case containing the item was smashed and the would-be burgler had cut himself on it. There was blood everywhere but the pectoral was still in place. The thief was never caught.

What is also interesting about this piece is that the birds you can see on either side of the central cartouche are hooded crows. Crows were a symbol of evil in ancient Egypt......

Spooky huh?

Why do I bother?

After spending a couple of days actually feeling proud of myself for losing weight, I went shopping for the new jeans I needed.

If there is one thing which without fail can make me swing from a vague sense of wellbeing to utter black despair. It is a bad shopping trip. Stupid though it may sound, it really can be upseting. I've put in all this work and yet I still can't get a pair of jeans to fit properly.

I can safely say that standing in front of those mirrors in the shop changing rooms yesterday, I don't think I've ever felt uglier.

Think I'm just going to start wearing a burka.

Goddamn this yin yang balance crap!

I have been finding recently that balance in life is sometimes a real fucking bitch. Note below post about a boy.

Also, I've been doing really well on the weightloss front recently and I'm really proud of myself for this. Halfa stone in six weeks!!

Except now my jeans are so loose they are falling down off my now fab (not flab) ass. Knicker exposure is not attractive.

So I'm going to have to shell out for a new pair. £40 I seriously can't afford. But I have to stop flashing my tattoo to everyone in plain sight.

(Just to get this straight, I don't have ink done on my backside. It's just above my hipbone, that is how low slung my pants are at the mo.)

Fuck balance, why can't my jeans shrink Incredible Hulk style?

Stephanie needs

Found this meme over here at Southern Bird's. Hilarity and tears ensue;

Type in [your name] needs into Google and see what you need...

Stephanie needs...

Stephanie needs to get some pies to Brooklyn. (Hmm, am trying to de-pie my waistline at the mo thanks)

Stephanie needs some help (The word duh never seemed so appropriate)

Stephanie needs cash fast as times are tough (Scary!!)

And the finale....

Why Stephanie needs rhinoplasty (Read this post and see why I am frightened by this meme)

Butterflies

Ever get that fluttery feeling in your tummy when you meet someone you really like? I have that at the minute.

There is a guy at uni who I am beginning to have a serious crush on. All our group sloped off to the bar the other day and we talked pretty much only to each other. And we got on really well. And he's very cute.

And did I mention I really like him?

But fear not, I'm still an avowed spinster. In all probability he has a girlfriend and was just being matey. I get that a lot. I have lots of bloke mates and several girls who I've hung out with in the past, have had serious problems with this. (To the point of trying to blacken my reputation by spreading rumours I was a boyfriend stealer!!! So no true!) Can I help it if I play computer games and am far too chatty?

Anyhoo....spinsterism is for yes but butterflies are nice.

I salute you Mr Whedon!

My Mum and I were big fans of Joss Whedon's Firefly after I impulsively bought the DVD boxset. So last night we went to see the film spin off, Serenity.

George Lucas must be shitting himself. This is how to do a sci-fi film. Don't get me wrong I love Star Wars but Serenity has it all. Great characters (played by actors who clearly relish their roles, Ewan take note!), great plot and a sense of humour and fun.

Also, no noise in space! It is silent like it should be, well kinda. And it retained the shaky camera work and everything that we loved about the show. Plus Nathan Fillion is purty. ^_^

If you only see one space western with psychics and gun fights this year, then make it Serenity.

My fangirl moment is now over, you'll be glad to know.

Conversations of a Game Employee

The following conversations have been repeated in a variety of forms over the past month;

Customer: Do you have any PS2s in stock?
Me: Yes, several at the front of the shop.
Customer: No, I want a PS2.
Me: They are at the front of the shop.
Customer: No, I want the new one.
Me: Do you mean a PSP?
Customer: No, a PS2. The new one. The handheld.
Me: It's called a PSP.
Customer: Do you have any in stock? It's my son's/daughter's/significant other's birthday next week.
Me: Did you preorder?
Customer: I didn't. Can I still get one before next week?
Me (trying to contain my derisive laughter): I am afraid we cannot even confirm if all our preorders will be filled by Christmas.

Customer: Do PSPs play films?
Me: Yes. Either downloaded from your computer or from a UMD film disc.
Customer: Does it play DVDs?
Me: No. Only UMD discs.
Customer: What a ripoff. Why not?
Me: PSPs are a handheld console. DVD or CD discs are too large to fit.
Customer: Does it play PS2 games?
Me: No. As I said only UMD discs.
Customer: What a ripoff. Why not.
Me (whimpering softly and curling up into a foetal position): Please leave, before I set the Nintendogs on you.

Early mornings suck ass

I am not a morning person, cliched but true. So when the alarm went off this morning at 6am. My first thought after 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It can't be time to get up now!' was 'Christ! It's dark!'

I walk to the train station which takes a half hour or so, so leaving the house at 7am I was shocked, nay horrified to see the bat flying around overhead! Bats are goddammed nocturnal!

I say the bat rather than a bat, as the winged rodent in question is regularly flying around our garden. I call him Keith.

Keith the Bat is not a very robust specimen, being only as big as my hand. He's also not blessed with an abundance of sense. He flies about in a continous circle for hours at a time outside our front door, seemingly preplexed at the lack of moths.

Keith! Move two feet over and your sonar will hit a whole load of horseflies! But he never listens. He just keeps going like one of those toy aeroplanes attached to the ceiling by a piece of string.

Poor Keith