I ran

Had my induction at the gym today, am still kinda puce.

But for the first time in YEARS I ran on a treadmill, as opposed to a brisk walk. I was subious when my trainer asked me to up the speed.

"I can't run."
"Everyone can run."
"Well, I don't."
"Just up the speed before I do it for you."

Suitable chastised I ran for HALF A MILE! This may not sound much but I feel a great sense of achievement. Admittedly I nearly fell off the treadmill, but I made it!

My trainer also had my running up and down the stairs, evidently the Stairmaster is to technological for me. So I have to run up and down a staircase at the back of the gym.

I may look like a tit, but soon I will have an arse JLo will envy. (Disclaimer: OK, not true but hey, a girl can dream!)

My workplace has gone all 1984...

...and by that I don't mean there is an excess of polyester and deelyboppers.

Not only has The Boss been not so subtly getting his PA to find out our personal mobile phone numbers (so not on), but our lunch time habits are now being monitored.

Evidently it is frowned upon for friendships to be formed within the office as this distracts us from out EVER SO important work.

Balls to it. Received a possible way out as an application form for an MSc appeared in my letterbox last night. But don't let on, the boss might disappear me.

Speaking of disappearances, where are you Fluffy? Blogs appear to have vanished. Hope all is well.

How I feel about life, work and the universe....

...

Meh!

Mad stylin'

So last night I finally worked up the courage to use the ceramic straighteners my sister bought me for Christmas.

And yes, ladies and gents I DID NOT singe off an ear.

However, I did manage to spray myself in the eye with heat protector spray, three times.

But let's take things one step at a time.

P/S:

I hate work, and this company is riddled with arseholes and w*****s. Must sell kidney in order to go back to uni.

Women don't sweat, they glow....

..If this is true, then call off the search for nuclear fusion technology. I emit enough 'glow' to power the National Grid after I've been to the gym for an hour.

Ok, a slight exaggeration but I could certainly guide the odd plane into land.

How not to be elegant #3

I may be a little late but my New Year's Resolution is to get fit and lose some of my wobble. So I joined the gym, and I went for the first time this evening.

I did rather well I thought, and decided after my workout to sit in the sauna for a while as there was a queue for the showers.

After a few minutes, a rather old, droopy naked lady got into the sauna and lay face down on the step directly below me. Now I am not a prude but where do you look when someone you don't know was lying naked in front of you.

It was too hot anyway so I decided to leave, and stood up. At which point I hit (and I mean REALLY walloped) my head on the roof of the sauna. I sat down abruptly and marveled at the singing bluebirds which were now circling the sauna. Another woman had entered and was looking at me oddly. (Well you would, wouldn't you.)

But when I stood up again, my legs were having none of it and I sort of folded up onto the bottom step in the manor of puppet which has been viciously de-strung
I managed to scuttle off after that.

I am so poised.

Nightmares!

I keep having nightmares about being in a zombie film or just being chased and hiding from hordes of the living dead.

So today I looked up a dream dictionary online and this is what I found and it is most worrying;

Zombie
Any dream about about zombies - also called the living dead - may carry a powerful message to you. If you are the zombie in your dream, it is a signal that you are feeling very detached from all of the normal, everyday things going on around you. You may be emotionally numb and not be able to feel positive or negative emotions these days. If you dream of being attacked by zombies, you feel like otherse are insensitive to your feelings and are not seeing the significance of a situation, or that nobody is tapping into your cries for help.

What is that coming into view on the distant horizon? Yes, I do believe it is! It's a nervous breakdown heading straight for me! *Curls up in foetal position and whimpers slightly*

I'm a goth....

always thought of myself as more of a demi-goth in high school. I also expected the my geek quotient to be higher. Pretty scarily high percentage on 'Loner', I'm not a billy no mates. Am I?

*Edit 14/01/2004* Have removed quiz as it is knackering up my template. Arsed fiddling about to get it right. So ner.

Beware the evil kettle of DOOM!

Last night saw me planning an easy evening watching TV in bed, as the new series of ER started not to mention that perenial favourite of Universally Challenged.

It was cold in the flat so I decided to sit in bed with my hot water bottle (I am a spinster, it is allowed). However when I left the kettle to boil and returned to my room, my TV was no longer working.

Major panic set in! One hour to ER!. Must. Make. TV. Work!!

Turns out the TV and the rest of the electrical equipment was fine, but the kettle had tripped the breaker and turned off all the electrical sockets. After much girly muttering in front of the switch box

"Do we flip it back on?"
"What if we get electrocuted?"
"Should it be flipped up? Or is supposed to be like that?"

We eventually turned it back on, only for the kettle to trip it a further three times before I gave up and boiled water in a pan on the stove. Hard core!

It has however knocked out our internet connection as the modem needs tobe reset, this is difficult as it is locked in my flatmate's room. This would be the flatmate who doesn't live with us.

Isn't life great.

I am feeling sad today....

so here is a poem about feeling trapped by Silvia Plath.

The Arrival of the Bee Box

I ordered this, clean wood box
Square as a chair and almost too heavy to lift.
I would say it was the coffin of a midget
Or a square baby
Were there not such a din in it.

The box is locked, it is dangerous.
I have to live with it overnight
And I can't keep away from it.T
here are no windows, so I can't see what is in there.
There is only a little grid, no exit.

I put my eye to the grid.
It is dark, dark,
With the swarmy feeling of African hands
Minute and shrunk for export,
Black on black, angrily clambering.

How can I let them out?
It is the noise that appalls me most of all,
The unintelligible syllables.
It is like a Roman mob,
Small, taken one by one, but my god, together!

I lay my ear to furious Latin.
I am not a Caesar.
I have simply ordered a box of maniacs.
They can be sent back.
They can die, I need feed them nothing, I am the owner.

I wonder how hungry they are.
I wonder if they would forget me
If I just undid the locks and stood back and turned into a tree.T
here is the laburnum, its blond colonnades,
And the petticoats of the cherry.

They might ignore me immediately
In my moon suit and funeral veil.
I am no source of honey
So why should they turn on me?
Tomorrow I will be sweet God, I will set them free.

The box is only temporary.

I was very brave yesterday....

...and ventured alone to a computer fair. Which as always was populated by some of life's 'colourful characters' aka bloody weirdos.

Being a girl meant I was not allowed anywhere near the tables, and unusually having boobs did not make a difference. Mind you, not surprising considering some of the blokes had bigger chests than I did.

Still no luck on the new PC front, but hope springs eternal.

I am however completely in love with Broken Sword II, old school point and click. What a shame the first one won't run on my poxy computer.

I really have to stop going shopping at lunch time....

....today I came home with another PC game, hopefully one which will run on my poxy OS. Yes I am a geek, but the geeks will inherit the earth. Says so in the bible.

What do you mean the meek will inherit? How silly, they'll be too timid to do anything with it. I claim the Earth for the geeks.

I also managed to purchase a pair of boots from Dolcis which we quite a bargain. The size 5s were slightly too tight and I eventually managed to get a 6. But someone had hidden the right foot which left me and the sales assistant hunting for it amongst racks and racks of shoes. Oh well all's well that ends well.

Thing is I went shopping for a hand bag!

The same portal which has stolen all my socks.....

..has now sucked all my pens into oblivion. Time to 'borrow' some from the office I think.

Today has not been a brilliant day for the following reasons;

• Missing pens
• Bought myself a new computer game only to find it is not compatible with my OS. Bloody Windows ME. (I will have my revenge when I buy a new PC)
• Work is pants
• A chronic case of hiccups (It is difficult to get anyone to take you seriously when you make odd noises every few seconds)
• Near death experience (NO matter how tempting it is, do not stand on a wheely chair to reach high places. Here endeth the lesson)

In other news, my diet lasted all over 12 hours. It gave me crushing headaches, 2 bowls of cereal a day is not enough to live on. My friend's resolution to eat no carbs after 5 also only lasted until half past 5. Salt and vinegar crisps beckoned.

We are paragons of self-control. Pass the biscuits!

Happy 2005!

I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas. Was it white? It was in North Wales but the rainstorm that night (complete with thunder and lightning) meant it was all slush the next day.

Ever tried walking up a big steep hill covered in half melted snow? It's not fun, people.

I know I promised Christmas posts but illness and recent world events have meant I was not in the mood to blog.

You can donate to the Red Cross for the victims of the Tsunami tragedy here.

May 2005 bring a year of co-operation and a brighter future.

Peace. Out.