Photographs

The other night, on a whim, I got my old photo albums out from my undergrad days and earlier. The first thing that struck me (after how much thinner I was then) was how much happier I looked. Carefree, I suppose.

Admittedly many of these photos are from nights out when large amounts of alcohol meant that I did care about shit except where the next vodka was coming from. Even so, I remember that before I graduated I felt so certain about things. Academically at least. I knew exactly how it was all going to work out. Which it did to a certain extent, but I was shortsighted. I didn't consider life after graduation would be any different.

Funny really. As I feel so desperately insecure about my current situation, the utter reversal of my old outlook. But I don't think given the oppourtunity that I would want to go back to being that Sessy. Fundamently we are still the same but there are now a couple of significant differences.

I don't blame myself for other people's failings, and I certainly don't try and change them or me to suit anymore. Life after graduation has made me far less naïve and I can to a point realise that getting upset about certain situations is pointless (though I generally still do, I just know I, being stupid which is a baby step in the right direction).

The downside of growing up means that these days when I joke about being cynical and jaded, it isn't always a joke.

Here endeth my lengthy self examination, am going to see if I can fit in that gorgeous black dress I wore all the time back then!